'So this is the new year and I don't feel any different.'
New Year -Death Cab for Cutie
Every year at this time I'll look back and listen to this song. Ben Gibbard basically summed up all my emotions on this night into four minute and six second. What changes except a number? Why do we try to change ourselves only once a year? Why can't we make resolutions whenever we feel the need to? If you have a problem, fix it before it gets worse. I don't know. This is just my dissatisfaction talking really. Is 'dissatisfaction' even a word? ...2009 was definitely a year to remember and definitely a year of many firsts but I can't help but feel helpless that I missed out on so much.
They say that so many days in our lives pass with no particular memories of it. Nothing exceptional happens everyday. One can see things one of two ways; either everything is a miracle, or nothing is a miracle. I find myself in the middle of that. I want to appreciate the little things, and I try to it's just-- I don't want a single day of life to pass without it being memorable in some way. Think about it; if the average female lives to 86 years old, that's only about 31390 days of life. How many of those days will the woman on her death bed remember? Will it be her first steps? Her first kiss? Moving out? Her wedding? The birth of her children? Grandchildren? What defines a life? Nothing in particular really defines mine.
I heard this quote a while back that I really liked.
'Life isn't measured in the number of breaths you take, but the moments that leave you breathless.'
It puts things into a really good perspective. This year was the year of major changes some for the better, some for the worst. I guess I just really miss the way I used to feel. It's weird.
I just want to be left breathless. Always.
