Tonight, my fascination with The Smiths has grown to a larger proportion. I passed by an old music store today, and I discovered that they sold vinyls. Which peaked my curiosity, I went searching and I was impressed to find 'Louder than Bombs' my favorite Smiths album and 'Outlandos d'Amour' by The Police.
So tonight, I've been lulled at a constant by Moz's voice. The last track stays with me like a ghost. I'm not even quite sure why.
There is another world, there is a better world.
Well there must be.
Well there must be.
Bye bye
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Monster.
There is a monster growing inside me and I'm unsure on what to do.
Everything is so completely wrong.
The monster has taken it's hold on me. It chokes me, closing off my throat from air. It's closing my heart, I can feel it.
I miss the way I used to feel.
I don't know what's wrong and it terrifies me.
The monster is slowly having it's way.
Everything is so completely wrong.
The monster has taken it's hold on me. It chokes me, closing off my throat from air. It's closing my heart, I can feel it.
I miss the way I used to feel.
I don't know what's wrong and it terrifies me.
The monster is slowly having it's way.
Friday, January 1, 2010
The Underdeveloped Story
So this is the New Year. Do I feel different? Possibly. I'm not really sure just yet. Although I doubt this change in emotion really has anything to do with the change of the decade. I think this is just me changing as a person. It happens occasionally doesn't it? I just want to perfect what has flaws. Seemingly an impossible task but I have years to continue the improvements.
Last night when the ball dropped, I had a strange heart to heart with my father. The thing you must understand is that my father and I haven't spoken for about 4 months. He and I basically came to a one sentence understanding that we shouldn't be living like this. Considering we still do live together. So by baby steps we've been trying to mend what's been screwed with. It's not working at any great speed but we actually said something to each other today. He even bothered to crack a telephone joke regarding the amount of time I spend on the phone with my boyfriend. It was unusual, but it brought back some strange feelings of nostalgia. I guess all along I've missed my dad. It's just a question of when he's willing to be my dad. He'll be great for periods of time, then the tiniest of thing will set him off and my mother and I cease to exist. It's taken a bit of time to get used to the reoccurring incidents. I know we're getting better, but I also know as soon as it gets better he'll go back to his old ways. I'm just not ready to give up on our father-daughter relationship just yet.
On another note; I've actually come up with New Years resolutions. Believe it or not. If I can stick to them, that'll be another story. I guess we'll just have to wait it out and see.
Right now I'm listening to some old school Anberlin (back when they radiated awesomeness) and being a bit reminiscent. It's going to be a year since I last saw them play on January 13. It's been a while since I gave them a good listen and it feels a little different. That's what I love about music; you can put a record down and pick it up in a year and everything will just come rushing back to you. Music and memory hold together in my mind. Anyways. Life is decently good. No complaints so far-- well not many.
While spell checking this entry, under suggested things for the mispelling 'Anberlin' was 'Angela'. I say it's a sign. Or not.
Last night when the ball dropped, I had a strange heart to heart with my father. The thing you must understand is that my father and I haven't spoken for about 4 months. He and I basically came to a one sentence understanding that we shouldn't be living like this. Considering we still do live together. So by baby steps we've been trying to mend what's been screwed with. It's not working at any great speed but we actually said something to each other today. He even bothered to crack a telephone joke regarding the amount of time I spend on the phone with my boyfriend. It was unusual, but it brought back some strange feelings of nostalgia. I guess all along I've missed my dad. It's just a question of when he's willing to be my dad. He'll be great for periods of time, then the tiniest of thing will set him off and my mother and I cease to exist. It's taken a bit of time to get used to the reoccurring incidents. I know we're getting better, but I also know as soon as it gets better he'll go back to his old ways. I'm just not ready to give up on our father-daughter relationship just yet.
On another note; I've actually come up with New Years resolutions. Believe it or not. If I can stick to them, that'll be another story. I guess we'll just have to wait it out and see.
Right now I'm listening to some old school Anberlin (back when they radiated awesomeness) and being a bit reminiscent. It's going to be a year since I last saw them play on January 13. It's been a while since I gave them a good listen and it feels a little different. That's what I love about music; you can put a record down and pick it up in a year and everything will just come rushing back to you. Music and memory hold together in my mind. Anyways. Life is decently good. No complaints so far-- well not many.
While spell checking this entry, under suggested things for the mispelling 'Anberlin' was 'Angela'. I say it's a sign. Or not.
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